those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
