she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
