Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
