We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
