You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
