imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
