Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
