there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
