Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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