You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
