I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
