that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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