he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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