Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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