I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
