yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
