I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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