don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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