After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
