How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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