i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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