What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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