These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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