Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
