How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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