My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
