Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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