at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
