There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
