My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
