Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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