I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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