yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
