is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
