I hate your face
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
