my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
