Christians are straight up FREAKS
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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