she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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