it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
