I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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