im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
