can u get pink eye on your cock?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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