the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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