I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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