I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
