I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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