Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
