My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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