Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
