i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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