if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
