WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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