the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
