This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
