So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
