dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
