Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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