He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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