My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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