I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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